Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
