I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
