She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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