im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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