he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
