When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
