Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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