Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
