One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
