He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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