I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions