please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me