dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
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He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.