and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?