You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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