he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
