I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
