mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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