She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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