I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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