Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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