Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
