3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
