When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
