from now on my penis is your penis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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