addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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