There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
