I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
