I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
