alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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