I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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