Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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