I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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