Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there's paper in my vomit.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so let's talk penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
