I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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