I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
