Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
