you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
