Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
