this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
