I smell stomach acid.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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