I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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