hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
