Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
