omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
