Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
