I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
