hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
