Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
