why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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