No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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