from now on my penis is your penis
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
