why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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