I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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