I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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