Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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