I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
