Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
