there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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