I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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