Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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