Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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