Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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