Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
