Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
