he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
