u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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