we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
