I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
