i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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